


Knock on wood

by oknana



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, im lmao, its not the au that we needed but the au we deserved, lumberjack bts, shirtless bts holding various forestry instruments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 04:19:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10983240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oknana/pseuds/oknana
Summary: After dropping out of college, faith brings you and 7 other students together in the Forestry Training program.Meanwhile, you don't even know how to water a plant.Officially the weirdest fucking AU where everyone goes camping and climbs in trees on a daily basis.





	Knock on wood

"You are _what_?"

I had to physically distance my phone from my ear because the frequency Jackson was yelling at was definitely above my tolerable limit and I really didn't need another headache on top of the existential crisis I was currently going through. 

I was laying on the floor, sprawled out across my filthy carpet that I hadn't cleaned in the past 7 months, as you do when you're about to make the possible worst decision of a lifetime. I've been living in this dorm room for the past year and I've only cleaned it once, _maybe_ twice- tops. Only because that sketchy mold stain on the ceiling was starting to freak me out. 

When Jackson had stopped throwing his tantrum, I reckoned it was safe to hold the phone to my ear again without damaging my eardrums and let out a long drawn out sigh before replying. "I'm dropping out. I quit. The end. Hasta la vista baby. How sad that I'll never see the cafeteria boy again. We had such great chemistry."

"What ' _chemistry'_." he was putting the emphasis on that word, obviously trying to mock me. 

The cafeteria boy, by the way, was called Mark, and he had nice shiny hair and a great smile. Not that that is valuable information, anyways. "He gives me that cafeteria discount without having to show my student ID, which is great because I lost mine in the first semester. Sometimes he winks at me, with both of his eyes." I'm underestimating Mark, he did that very often, actually.

"That's called blinking, Y-N." Jackson scolded me through the phone. He was most definitely still bitter about that time when Mark let me pass through with my salad box whilst Jackson had to pay the extra dollar. See, our cafeteria has this dictatorial rule where if you pile too much salad onto your takeaway container and are not able to close the lid, you have to pay extra. It's brutal. I've seen kids discussing theories as to which side has to be acquired first in order to optimize maximum salad capacity.

It's like that video game commando in which you press a sequence of buttons on the controller to enable a certain cheat.

According to rumor, the code goes; _coleslaw, potatoes, beets, tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, corn, salad_ and to conclude _dressing_. 

The salad bar is a dark place. 

"Anyways, you're distracting me.  When did you decide to quit university?" I had almost forgotten I was still in the middle of a conversation concerning my desires to quit my college life and leave behind all forms of academic education.

I was totally aware of the fact that, since we were talking by phone, Jackson was in no way capable of seeing me, but I shrugged anyways. "Yesterday."

There was a prolonged silence, which was very rare when communicating with Jackson Wang. He always talked. He talked so much, I sometimes wished that human muzzles were a socially acceptable thing and held no sexual significance. Then he spoke. "So it's not serious?" he was dragging out his words hesitantly, testing the waters. 

"It is! I'm _totally_ serious."

"Okay, okay. Let's pretend like you _are_ totally serious,"

"I am."

I was. Though, I get why Jackson would brashly question my sincerity. I'm prone to bluffing. That's one of the reasons why I'm so good at playing _One night ultimate werewolf_.  These hands may look clean, but before you know it they'll be wrapped around your neck, robbing you from another villager-gathering as I fake mourn your death.

Man, that sounds really morbid if you don't know the concept of a game of mafia. 

However, one thing was for sure. I was definitely, most certainly and totally serious about quitting university. 

"Whatever." he waved me off. "If that were the case, then what would your plan be?"

I shriveled up my face in thought and rolled myself over on the carpet, covering myself completely in stale Dorito bits and Cheeto dust. "I haven't really thought about it."

"Y-N, are you kidding me right now?" he groaned loudly with that throaty voice of his. I think Jackson has the largest vocal range out of every man I've met in my life, ever.  Not that that says much, anyways. But he can go from high pitched  6-year-old girl to the human equivalent of a didgeridoo in approximately 0.5 seconds, it's pretty intense. The range I got to hear the most however, was that raspy, whiny voice he used when he was either annoyed, bored or disappointed. Three emotions he experienced a lot when hanging out with me. Sometimes even all three of them at the same time. 

He could easily bail on me, don't get me wrong. He had at least 15 groupies that constantly wanted to hang out with him, blowing up his phone constantly to ask him if he was hungry and wanted to have dinner together and I'm pretty sure the entire campus had a collective crush on Jackson Wang. 

Why he voluntarily hung out with me? Who knows, really. Maybe he saw it as some sort of charity work he could use as an add-on to his academic profile. Or maybe, he just genuinely liked me. Would that be funny or what?  

Anyways, I'd like to think of us as friends. I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to use that term. I mean, we had never confirmed what our relationship really encompassed or anything, but if Jackson were to die one day I'm positive I would feel at least some sort of sadness.

Jackson Wang lived an easy life. Thinking about it, he actually didn't do much. He just did some fencing to look cool and showed off his calves an awful lot. Sometimes I wish I could be Jackson. He was good looking, great academics, had loving parents that supported him in literally anything he did and he had probably seen more dick in the last two weeks than I will ever see in my entire life. The only thing holding me back was that if I were to be Jackson, that meant I had to hang out with BamBam on a daily basis and to be honest, I'd rather shave my head completely bald and live like a monk for the rest of my life.

BamBam, by the way, was not some kind of animal (it's a common misconception) but an actual living person. His real name was too hard for me to pronounce and honestly, I never really cared enough to ask him about it. All I knew was that he was really annoying, wore an awful lot of sweater vests and had a really expensive car.

A really expensive car that he had used to run over my foot last spring break. I'm not bitter about it or anything...

"Maybe I'll just take a break?" I proposed, and I could literally feel Jackson rolling his eyes all the way to the back of his head.  "To think for a while."

I could hear Jackson shifting on - whatever it was he was sitting on,  before speaking again. "Y-N are you sure? Maybe you should take a nap and sleep it off?"

"I can't just _sleep it off_ , Jackson. I've been thinking about quitting for a long time now. I just... I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything and that I need to start doing something. I need to take advantage of my youth while I'm still young!"

He let out a frustrated sigh. "Wow, that was almost inspirational." he praised me, but I had a hunch he was faking it. 

"We should quit together. We can go on a fishing trip to clear or minds."

"No thanks. I'm good." he declined my offer. Jackson always declines my offers. When you look at him and his dumb shorts and sassy sunglasses that he even sometimes wore indoors -making me wonder if Jackson was actually still sane-, you'd think he's the kinda cool kid that goes on wild adventures like _going skinny-dipping in the middle of Christmas break_ , but in reality, he didn't even dare to leave school grounds past bedtime. We did that, one time. We hadn't even set foot outside of campus when we got caught by the janitor, and Jackson cried all the way back to the dorms. 

"You know, if this doesn't work out I can try that sugar-daddying thing. They make hella cash."

Jackson snorted loudly in the phone. "Yeah, no. I don't see that happening."

"Why? You don't think I got what it takes?" I hoped that sounded indifferent enough because, in actuality, I was a little offended. "I'm decent looking. On a scale from 1 to 10 I'm at least a solid 6.5." 

"You're a virgin, Y-N." Jackson thought it was a great time to bring up personal matters. It wasn't, just FYI. 

"Okay, and how would you know what I get up to in my free time?" Because, even though it may come as a surprise, I did have a life outside of hanging out with Jackson. Even though it wasn't exactly a social life. Nor did I really study... What was I saying again?

"I live down the hall from you. The only person I've seen coming into your room is the pizza delivery man." Clearly, that's an overexaggeration. 

"Who says I'm not into a relationship with the delivery man then?"

Jackson let out a loud laugh. "Please, Y-N, that dude is 50 years old and his name is probably Janice. How does that benefit you in any way?" 

"Free pizza?" I deadpanned. 

" _Who ordered a chlamydia pizza with a side of yeast infection_?" Jackson hollered loudly, and I once again had to take some distance from my phone so my ears wouldn't start bleeding. 

"You are disgusting."

"You are having sex with a balding man who forgets the vanilla icing when delivering cinnamon sticks."

Oh Christ... "I can't believe you're still bitter about that." Jackson was the kind of person to hold grudges to the point where you could literally lay on your death bed and he wouldn't talk to you because he was giving you the silent treatment, which- by the way, definitely counts as a form of emotional abuse. 

"Well, I am. Believe it or not." See? Grudges. They are going to kill him one day. "What are you doing tomorrow around noon?"

"Skipping classes."

"Great. Meet me at the cafeteria at one o'clock sharp." I sighed noticeably. That meant I was going to get scolded by Jackson for at least a whole hour, and on top of that I had to actually face him while he did. Eye contact and holding hands, the whole shebang. Maybe I could get some free granola bars out of this. But that's honestly just some wishful thinking on my part. 

"Maybe." I half-promised before hitting the end-call button, cutting him off. 

I could only think of one person who would be able to cheer me up right now.

Mark.

unfortunately, I didn't have Mark's phone number nor were we befriended on facebook (I didn't even know his last name to be honest), so my best bet was to get out of my room and treat myself to some ottogi brand cheesy ramyun from the school's convenience store and hopefully run into him. I quickly checked my pocket for change, threw on the nearest hoodie I could find on the floor and stepped into my slippers before heading out the door. 

As soon as I set foot inside the convenience store, I could already tell that Mark wasn't the one behind the cashier, but his villainous counterpart, Elark. His name wasn't actually Elark. Jackson made that up. (Note: Elark is an abbreviation for Evil Mark) A couple of months ago I fortuitously found out his real name was Kim Taehyung, but that information was totally useless since I really didn't feel the need to be associated with him at all. 

Strangely enough, he did look a lot like Mark. They had the same haircut, same eyebrow shape, and both of them wore the exact same pair of glasses.

The only thing that distinguished Mark from Elark (Kim Taehyung), was that Elark always wore these godawful baggy pants and matched them with socks and slides. Some call it fashion forward, others (87% of the entire campus population) would define it as color blindness. In addition to that, their personalities seemed to clash so much, it basically just weirded me out to even see them together at the same time, in the same place. As if they weren't allowed to breathe the same air. But maybe that's too dramatic. 

Mark was nice, hygenic and got good grades. Basically, the kid that your mom wants you to bring home and meet the entire family. Elark was... he was different. He didn't seem to have a lot of friends, looked gloomy and always stared off into space like he was about to have some kind of stroke. He stared a lot. I sometimes wonder if he was aware of that fact. 

He also had a bad habit of judging your purchases when he was checking you out at his cash register. Which, he was about to demonstrate in 

three... 

two...

"Cheese ramyun has double the amount of sodium than regular ramyun does." he mumbled through his face mask (Note: Elark had a habit of always wearing facemasks, making him look chronically ill) as he scanned my items nonetheless.

I slapped my 5 dollar bill on the counter as I claimed the ramyun and the pack of gum I had just bought.

 "Great. I'm aspiring to get myself killed by arthrosis." I quipped, before stalking off to the hot water machine to cook my food. 

Elark didn't comment on that. He never did. Because, in reality, he wasn't as evil as Jackson made out for him to be. This may come as a surprise to you, but Jackson wasn't actually some kind of magic conch shell/clairvoyant deviation that had all the answers to your questions. Elark was just... uneasy to be around. 

As I waited for my ramyun to cook, I took a piece of gum to busy myself with and crumpled up the wrapper in my hands. I was on my way to the garbage can to throw away my rubbage when I noticed a bulletin board hanging from the wall next to the ice cream case. Displayed on it were a bunch of summer school program flyers, motivational flyers that used too many exclamation marks ( _Let's all do our best at finals!!!!!_ )  and a variety of vocational training schools, which seemed quite interesting given the situation I was currently in. 

Should I try my luck?

Leave my destiny in the hands of Jesus Christ?

I chewed on my gum a couple more times, the flavor long faded, before fishing it out of my mouth and kneading it into a tiny ball in my hands. Closing my eyes, I threw it at the bulletin board, my right arm forming a perfect arch as I let it hover in the air.

Only when I heard the tiny smacking sound of the gum hitting paper, I opened my eyes again. They scanned the board for a little, before landing on the shiny flyer where my gum had stuck, displaying a muscular man wearing a dirty singlet and holding onto a colossal ax. His eyes obviously screamed murder. 

 

 

_Welcome to the forestry training program!_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> guess who
> 
> me
> 
> im on a lil break since i have a lot of work to do (finals!!) so i decided to post this thing i had whilst u r waiting on the next chapter of HGB (its short for he got beef...)  
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> i know this story is ridiculous  
> but im going to continue this anyways
> 
> also, i needed a bunch of side characters etc. so i decided to throw in some got7 lmao  
> i mean  
> whos going to stop me anyways  
> whOM???
> 
> ly! kisses! see you soon @HGB!  
> x Nana


End file.
